Well, hello people I don't know.

I started this blog to sort out my thoughts. My parents and doctor say I need to speak to a counselor or a therapist because I've been having panic attacks and I don't sleep. I play the cello. I have since I was 11 years old. I never did take it seriously until I went to Appalachian State University and saw a fellow there play, took a master class, and met a now very close friend of mine, Tyler Camp. I started out playing a dark red cello and have for the last three years. It followed me up to the high school and I played it until about a week ago when they announced they wanted it back. I loved that cello. I still love that cello and I always will. It's name was "Gorgeous" and it was. Cheesy, I know. But, every morning at 8 o'clock when I got him out, I say to myself and sometimes out loud, "Hello Gorgeous, long time, no see." I was devastated. Mrs. Plyler (the orchestra director) told me in front of first period strings and when she saw the tears swell up in my eyes, she freaked out. Everyone told her, "That's Shelby's cello. You can't take it away." I cried. I fell apart. But, now I've learned. Whether or not I'm emotionally attached to an instrument. I should be strong enough and talented enough to play any cello, and I will and I have. I now play a yellowish colored Glaesel cello which I've named Peter. It has a horrible flutter when you play "F sharp or B flat." But, I'm getting used to it. It was Tyler's favorite cello. Tyler is a dear friend of mine. It seems like I've known him for years.. when it's only been about a month.

Anyways, Brian has been angry at me for about 3 days because of my friends. He also says I only care about success and not the love of music and I said, "Brian, you jackass, you can't be successful at something without love!" He has this logical point of view. He's a good guy. I care for him and I don't want him to be angry with me. He says for me to end certain friendships or at least keep them away from him because they are "emo" and "ignorant." Today he wasn't as cold, he didn't say anything mean, but, when Tyler came over and sat with me in the band room and asked me to come and play piano with him, so, he could teach me.. Brian about had a hemmorage. He looked at me and said, "Go with Tyler, like you usually do." and I asked him, "WTF was he talking about," and he didn't say anything, he just kept reading the music to his college auditions. So, I walked off. Tyler plays the piano wonderfully. It's great. He's basically good at every instrument, ecspecially cello. But, I went upstairs after Tracey (my almost stepmother) and Josh (my almost stepbrother who is satanic) left and had this all out playing fest for about 5 minutes of non-stop forte/accented/letting anger out/aggressive technique. But, I'm good now. I plan on practicing most of the night. Because, I don't have to go to school for my first two periods.. I have a custody herring with my parents. They're fighting over me.