Tuning.

I tuned Brittany's cello today!
Since I'm first chair I have to tune everyone.
I'm the only one besides Tyler (and he's not in there in the morning) who knows how!
I've been practicing "Sonata in A minor.." It's so hard.
It's college level. I'm a freshman. I'm learning. It's hard. I'm irrational.
But, I have to. Now. I just simply have to. It would mean so much.

If anyone can help me somehow by giving me practicing tips. Tell me.

I am so dumb.

Good God.
I'm so irrational.
Western Regional State Orchestra tryouts are in January.
And I'm two months late getting my music.
I'm a freshman.
And I am clueless about the tenor clef.
I'm learning.

Tyler left practice early today without saying goodbye.
It upset me, I was the only decent cellist there.
So, I was "angry."

I usually am put out cause he's better than me.
So, I got the music and it shocked Mrs. Plyler.
And I'm about to go to the drawing effin' board.

And learn it and make it.
HAHAHA!

Weddings and lasanga.

I haven't posted in a good while. So, I will.
My birthday was on Thanksgiving.
It was horrible.
My family.. they are so stupid and mean.

I took my cello and played some.
I've practiced a little but not enough.
I played at my dad's wedding with Tyler.

It was really good.
I've been getting so frustrated.
I know I should be better. I'm so behind.

I'm going to go practice now. I'll blog later.

Notes.

I was the only person to practice this morning.
Mrs. Plyler took the day "off."
She doesn't realize, I don't think.
That not playing fucks my entire day up.
So, I got Peter out and played.
Played and played and played my heart out.
For no more than 25 minutes.
I felt so down.
Not accomplished.
But, Charly did get her violin out and played my sheet music.
Having no clue anything about the bass clef.
For about 2 minutes.
2 minutes and I'm saying that literally.

Pray for me.
Practicing tonight.

Brand names.

I practiced this morning. 30 minutes. Good morning, Peter. I'm ready to change. I hate myself and how I am. I may strip myself of my impurities and start over. I'm lazy. I'm gaining weight. I'm turning into a doormat to get people to leave me alone by giving them what they want. I'm sick of it. I'm going to stop binging on cookie dough and ice cream cakes at night. I'm gaining weight. I went shopping today. Buying clothes for my birthday and such. Everything is overrated. Hot Topic, American Eagle, Aeropostale. It's so stupid.

I should simply go play.

Work, work, work?

Oh, I had a wonderful day this morning at practice. I was so happy to see my cello after not playing all yesterday. Of course, I had to go file my papers on why I was gone yesterday and such. But, when I came back to relieve Peter from his case, I caught how much beauty he holds. I've been so bitter and close-minded to the thought of losing my gorgeous red cello and called him ugly and such. He's not, he holds so much beauty in every single thing other than his F sharp; that can possibly be worked around. My good friend, Zach, who plays the viola and sits first chair, (like me, woo!) turned around and started talking about his practice session last night, I love to hear about them.. Anyways, Peter was out of tune and since everyone in first period is immature, loud, obnoxious, and ignorant, (with the exception of about 2-3 people...) I went into the hall to tune. I've always been terrified to tune with the pegs. But, I successfully did today and it was great. I went in after talking to Brian and sat down to play a piece from Shirl Jae Atwell, Rythmn Sticks/Stix, We played a couple new pieces and some from Carol of the Bells. I don't know why, but, today, I opened up my heart and mind to Mrs. Plyler, who is a musical prodigy, but, I think, she would rather be on vacation other than teaching a bunch of gossip-filled, undevoted teenagers. Tyler and me went to her after school and I think she was excited to see my intrest. She gave me a book on vibrato, FINALLY! AH, and she gave us a piece to play at my father's wedding. It's 2 parts. One part Bach, One part Beetoven. She gave me a hard case, because, we have a performance tomorrow. I went upstairs and picked around.

I need to work on:
a) Learning to play higher on the strings (fourth position and up)
b) Vibrato, vibrato, VIBRATO!
c) Longer bowstrokes (They're long, but, I want to master them)
d) My hands tensing up (I need to loosen up, I have bad circulation)
e) Pretty sound (even though F sharp flutters)
f) Longer practice.

Today was an odd day.
Decent though, well... nah.. a little below decent. I went to court today at 9 o'clock and it started at 9:30. Good, God, I was in there until Eleven thirty watching people get arrested for not paying child support and not providing a proper home. I realized that I'm nothing more than $900 a month to my mother and father and it bothers me. Anyways, I got out of there and went to KFC and got a famous bowl. It was fabulous. When I got to school, I walked into the office with my cello on my back, a 40 pound book-bag on one arm and wearing some of the tallest black heels ever. I saw Blair. Blair is a former life ruiner of mine. Not nice. Trys to be christian and also take advantage of freshman girls, like myself. We haven't talked for at least 3 weeks. He grinned at me in that "Haha, I'm stupid and I kiss like I'm eating a carrot." So, I flipped him off and yelled, "Skinpatch!" which made me think of Taylor and when she called him on my phone and left him a message that consisted of.. "Now listen here SKINPATCH and umm... PENIS!" and another that she recorded with Tyler :) "Blair Dolin! Lost his penis in Vietnam.." then, she gave the phone to Tyler and they were like, "You have herpes of the face!" ANYWAYS! I went and signed in and put my stuff in my classroom and headed to the bandroom where Luke listened to me talk to Peter (my cello) and took pictures of me. As I walked back, I saw TYYLLEERRR and he hugged me and I saw his new hair and he told me when he signed in he drew hearts around my name and some guy behind him called him gay and he was like.. "Fuck you buddy!"

Well, I saw Brian. We went to his house and talked and talked and loved on one another and talked. Today was the first day I haven't practiced and I feel so empty. I'll never to this again. It's time for sleep.